- Why is she always in a t-shirt and diaper? Because it's comfy. When I get the new diaper on her, she's already on the go. So it's hard to get a onesie or pants on her. For playing around the house, a t-shirt and diaper are fine.
- Why do you dress her in boy clothes? Because boy clothes are cute and comfy. We mix it up (girly clothes sometimes, boyish clothes other times.)
- Are you lonely? Yes, we miss Jeff, but we have plenty of friends nearby. So no, we're not lonely. If you could see our neighborhood, and how close we all live, you'd understand why. Plus, between email and Facebook, it's easy to connect and plan get-togethers. You don't always see our friends and outings because it's too awkward and annoying to always take pictures, then ask permission to post on the blog, blah, blah, blah.
- Are you teaching her Chinese? A little. But English and Japanese are more practical for us right now. I'm not superwoman.
Showing posts with label FAQs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FAQs. Show all posts
Friday, August 6, 2010
mysteries revealed
Monday, June 14, 2010
Random FAQs
How do you pronounce Doraemon (our cat's name)?
We say "dorry-mon" (rhymes with "story-mon".) This is easier for our American mouths.
But the correct Japanese pronunciation is "doh-RYE-moan" (the r is hard, and almost more like an l, like a hard spanish r.) We pronounce it both ways, but "dorry-mon" sounds more loving. Doraemon is a famous cartoon cat in Japan. When they sing his name in the theme song, it sounds more like "dora-eh-mon."
What does "sakana no ko" mean?
Little fish, or little fish girl (in the context of Ponyo, the movie.)
Sakana means fish, no means of, and ko means little/child/baby. Pronounced "sah-kah-nah noe koe." It's from the theme song to Ponyo, a very popular Japanese movie about a fish who wants to be a girl.
We say "dorry-mon" (rhymes with "story-mon".) This is easier for our American mouths.
But the correct Japanese pronunciation is "doh-RYE-moan" (the r is hard, and almost more like an l, like a hard spanish r.) We pronounce it both ways, but "dorry-mon" sounds more loving. Doraemon is a famous cartoon cat in Japan. When they sing his name in the theme song, it sounds more like "dora-eh-mon."
What does "sakana no ko" mean?
Little fish, or little fish girl (in the context of Ponyo, the movie.)
Sakana means fish, no means of, and ko means little/child/baby. Pronounced "sah-kah-nah noe koe." It's from the theme song to Ponyo, a very popular Japanese movie about a fish who wants to be a girl.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
You have questions?
We have answers!
When do you go get her? We leave for Beijing Friday, April 16th. We'll probably meet Ariel in Guangzhou on April 19th! Our agency (America World) arranges appointments for our travel group with the Chinese and US governments.
How old is she now? 7.5 months
Heard anything? Any updates? Any new photos? If so, we will tell you on the blog. We did send a care package to her through Ann at Red Thread. Ann is well-connected and can sometimes get updated photos and measurements, but there is no guarantee. She said she asked twice and the orphanage (Maoming Maogang) said no. Please keep in mind that some of the info regarding Ariel's adoption and circumstances is private. We have waited a long time. Please let us enjoy.
Why does it take so long? Families (I-600 pre-Hague) usually wait 7-9 weeks from referral to travel. We send back an acceptance document, which our agency sends to China. China eventually issues us a Travel Approval (TA.) Our agency can use that to set up our appointments at our child's provincial capital (Guangzhou, in our case), and at the US Consulate in Guangzhou. Compared to the 4.5 years since we started the adoption, a few weeks is nothing.
Why do you have to stay there so long? We'll be in China about 2 weeks, and that's fine with us! First we'll meet our travel group (other families with America World) in Beijing for a weekend of sightseeing. Then we'll travel to Guangzhou in southeast China. There we'll meet her! We'll also meet with the Civil Affairs office in her provincial capital for an interview and some of her adoption documents. Later, we'll have business at the US Consulate in Guangzhou. She'll leave China with her Chinese passport, an Immediate Relative (IR-3) Visa to enter the US, her Chinese birth certificate, adoption decree, etc. It takes a while to do everything necessary to get these documents. Plus, we'll have some time for local sightseeing, shopping, free time, and getting to know our baby.
Do you have to stay there so they can see how you're bonding? No. We stay so long so we can take care of all the legalities. And those are very important (to China, to the US, and to us and Ariel's future as a US citizen.) It's nice that China assumes we will bond.
Do you go to her orphanage to get her? No, she'll probably travel by bus (maybe 6 hours?) with some orphanage workers to Guangzhou, China. They'll probably bring her to our hotel, but we might meet her in another building.
Try to go to her orphanage. We will ask. However, it's about 6 hours away from Guangzhou. I think we'll be the only family in our group with a child from that orphanage. So I doubt our agency guides would be willing to arrange a trip. The orphanage is likely closed to visitors/foreigners, but we will ask. If we went, we'd probably be on our own or with a privately-hired bilingual guide. I am thinking this trip will be stressful enough without trekking to Maoming. Believe me, traveling from point A to point B in China can be very, very stressful and risky (I found some of the driving terrifying last time I was there; trains are better, but even navigating the train stations can be tough - it's not like the US, Europe, or Japan.) However, I understand visiting her orphanage could ease her transition - seeing her caretakers & friends one more time (but I've also heard it can have the opposite effect.) By the way, there are about 6 orphanages in Maoming. Maogang is one of the smallest (about 20 children.)
Are you changing her name? I like to think of it as adding a name. We'll keep her Chinese given name (Hao Liang) as her middle name. We'll give her the first name Ariel. She will always have her full Chinese name, even if it's not on her American documents. So her full name will be Ariel Hao Liang Parks. Yes, the middle name is two separate words (don't worry, lots of people have two middle names with no problem.)
What's her Chinese name? Gang Hao Liang. Gang is the "last name" and other children in her orphanage were given the same last name. It comes from her orphanage name (Maogang district of Maoming city.) Hao Liang means "good pretty" or "very pretty." When we meet her, we'll ask her caretakers if they call her any nicknames.
How do you pronounce it? In English phonetics, it sounds like "Gahng How Lee-ahng" with very soft g's on the end. For my Japanese friends, the romaji is: gan hao rian.
I'll try to assign the Mandarin tones later.
She doesn't look Chinese. Last I checked, Chinese people have a wide variety of looks. Just like people in your country. We've seen lots of referral photos over the years, so we know they come in all varieties of cute.
Is anyone throwing you a baby shower? Dear friend & neighbor Angela B. is spearheading that project. We're thinking sometime in June (after Ariel is safely home.) We are lucky to have such nice friends here who can't wait to meet the little cherub.
What do you need? We have most everything. We've had lots of time to acquire things. Friends & family have been thoughtful with gifts and hand-me-downs. She could use some bath toys and other toys for a young baby (she's 7 months old now.) We listed some childproofing items and special books on her Amazon registry.
Why are you going to Hawaii? Are you going straight there? Yes, we're going straight to Honolulu (for about a week) after Guangzhou. She can enter the US with her IR-3 visa and Chinese passport. In Hawaii, we'll file her N600-K (for naturalization as a US citizen.) We'll get her Certificate of Citizenship (CoC), US passport, and social security number there. For military families, there's a way to do this all from Japan, but I think it's a long and convoluted process. We'd rather go through Hawaii, which is used to dealing with US expats & military in Asia. Our friends just did this in Hawaii for their daughter, and it went very smoothly for them. Plus, a Hawaii "vacation" will be nice!
(What I wish people would ask) What will you need as soon as you arrive home? Happy cats and a tidy house. Our trusty cat-sitter, Sam, will take care of this (he'll be bunkin' with the cats while we're gone.) Also, someone to meet us at the airport with Ariel's car seat, and some water & snacks. I've already suckered some friends into this favor. We also need friends to understand that Jeff & I will be the primary holders & feeders of Ariel for a while. This is important for bonding, but we'll see how she does.
How much does she weigh? We don't know how much she weighs now (at 7.5 months - she was born August 15, 2009.) If her medical report is accurate (kind of hard to interpret), at 5.5 months, she weighed 4.8 kg (about 11 pounds.) At about 7 days, she was 2.8 kg (6.2 pounds.) Her smallness is typical for southern Chinese girls. We guess she'll be in 6-9 month clothes (possibly some 0-6 month) and Japanese size 70-80.
Do you think you'll adopt again? This is pretty personal. Just let us enjoy the here and now. If your name is "Aunt Sandie" then you can ask a question like this.
What if you get there and they offer you another (additional) child? This just doesn't happen in China adoption.
Have you lined up childcare? No. At some point, we'll find a trustworthy babysitter. But for now, just remember: we have waited 4.5 years.
Are you going to tell her she was adopted? (I can't believe somebody really asked me this.) It will be part of our talk from the very beginning. We have lots of tools and guidance on how to help her understand and explore it as she grows.
How do you feel about a million questions? To be frank, sometimes they get on my nerves. I know people just want to show kind interest, but other times they just want to satisfy their curiosity or make a point without regard for our feelings. Remember, we've probably been asked the same questions 500 times. A barrage of questions is not the way to my heart. A few questions asked tactfully and in private are fine. Once we have our child, I will appreciate even more tact and restraint when asking questions (in her presence, even if you think she can't understand.) If you are seriously looking into adopting yourself, then I'd be happy to talk with you about it in private. Some nice questions are: How did you choose her name? What drew you to China? What are her interests? How does she interact with the cats? Do you think you'll visit China with her someday?
Will you host this event / coordinate this function / work the spring bazaar / serve on the OSC board next year / volunteer at this event? Ask me 8-12 months from now. Don't waste your energy even asking now.
Are you taking her back to the US right away to show family? We'd like to spend time at our home (in Japan) relaxing, getting to know her, and establishing a routine. So we don't know when we'd take her back to the US (it's a long flight from Tokyo), but not right away. I don't even want to make any plans now - just have some solid time to establish her new home.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Semantics
Natural child: any child who is not artificial.
Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
(Rita Laws)
(borrowed from a friend's blog - thanks B's Mom)
I like to imagine that any child who isn't natural is a robot.
Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
(Rita Laws)
(borrowed from a friend's blog - thanks B's Mom)
I like to imagine that any child who isn't natural is a robot.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
FAQs
Adoption?? Domestic or international?
From China. We applied in April, 2006, and we are now nearing the top of the waiting list. Our log-in date (LID) is 4/6/06, and families with log-in dates through 4/5/06 have already been matched with children.
Why adopt from China?
Increased child/infant abandonment due to the one-child policy; cultural preference for boys leaves many girls abandoned, or worse (although some boys are available); non-interference from birth parents (this has pros & cons); lower incidence of drug & alcohol abuse, etc. We have friends who successfully adopted from China, so we're able to draw on their experience and wisdom. Plus, we feel strongly that our child is there. However, for someone just starting an adoption, I would not recommend China, simply because the wait would be so long. If you want to consider adopting an older child or one with special needs, then the wait could be shorter.
How long have you been waiting?
Over 3 years since our dossier logged in to China on April 6, 2006.
Over 4 years since we started with our agency's application and getting our dossier together (September, 2005.)
Why does it take so long?
We don't think our wait time is typical of adoption in general, but maybe. Possible reasons for the China slowdown: many families applying, no incentive for orphanages to get children paper-ready for adoption (many possible reasons for this), increase in domestic adoption within China. There's been a lot of discussion, but out of discretion and respect for China's ultimate authority on this matter, I will not get into details here. When our dossier was logged in, the wait was only 9 months until referral.
Do you have any idea of "when"?
We have a vague idea, but nothing is certain, and things are constantly changing. It's best not to ask us. We will post predictions from various sources on this blog. Nothing is more disheartening than to tell someone "maybe this year," then the next year hear "Did you adopt? Are you still trying to adopt?" Please don't ask and rest assured we will tell you.
How's the adoption process going?
We're just waiting and tracking where we are in the queue. We are getting closer to the front of the queue, but there's no definite timeline. It's best not to ask and just be supportive.
Have you heard anything? What are "they" telling you?
We track what is happening through Rumor Queen, and various internet sources. Approximately once a month, the CCAA matches families with certain log-in dates (LIDs) with children. This is done sequentially. For example, last month, they gave referrals (description of child you're matched with) to families with LIDs March 29-31, 2006. For the past year, CCAA has been referring 2-6 LID days per month, so it's taken all of 2009 just to get through March 2006. Our LID is April 6, 2006, so we are getting very close. However, it could still take a while, due to unexpected delays, Chinese New Year in February, travel delays.... we just don't know. Our agency doesn't make false promises, which we appreciate. But this means they are careful with the information they give out. We try not to bother them with pointless questions - they're busy placing children (including many special needs children.) If this makes any sense to you at all, you can see it's really not as simple as "hearing something" or "them" telling us something. If you really want to know, please check this blog for updates. It's easier for me to explain it once in writing, rather than wracking my brain each time I try to explain it.
Do you have to go there / stay in China / make multiple trips?
Once we receive a referral (match with child) and are approved for travel (about 2 months later), we plan to spend about 10 days in China. This will be a single trip in which we'll meet our child and bring her home. No multiple trips are required (any extra China trips on our part are for vacation only.) Of course, unforeseen circumstances, such as health problems or quarantine in China, may require us to stay longer. After China, we'll travel directly to Honolulu, Hawaii for about 10 days to complete our child's US citizenship. This will allow her to enter Japan (our current home) as a US citizen.
Once you get approval to travel, then do you know who the child is?
Yes, because we will have received the referral. A referral includes a detailed description, medical report, and photos of the child.
Are you getting a newborn/baby?
Newborns are not adoptable from China. They must stay in an orphanage or foster care for several months to allow time for birth parents to claim them. We requested a healthy female child as young as possible. This means she could be anywhere from 8-24 months old by the time we bring her home. We are not really interested in a newborn. However, we keep our minds open (for a boy, older child, special needs child.)
Do you want a girl or a boy?
We actually don't have a preference. We requested a girl since most of the children abandoned in China are girls, and girls may have a harder life in China. But we do know of many happy families who adopted boys from China. The little person we are matched with - that's who we'll love.
Do you have a particular child in mind?
No. We wait until our dossier comes to the top of the stack, then a "matching specialist" at China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) matches us with a child. People who adopt a waiting child (older child or one with special needs) do have a particular child in mind. For more info on how matching works, read:
chinaadopttalk.com/2006/12/07/how-the-matching-room-works/
Do you have a name in mind?
It's a secret!
Is adoption expensive?
In our case it costs about $25,000, and could vary with our travel expenses. This is less than many people spend on a car. Here's the cost breakdown from our agency:
www.awaa.org/programs/china/cost.aspx
After it's final, we can apply for a tax credit (about $12,000) and Dept. of Defense reimbursement ($2000.) Some people do their own fundraising to help pay for adoptions. Grants are possible through Show Hope.
Is adoption difficult?
From what we know so far, it takes a lot of organization, attention to detail, research, communication skills, and persistence. For parents' requirements to adopt from China, see:
www.awaa.org/programs/china/requirements.aspx
Why are you adopting?
Because we want to. It's our first choice, for highly personal reasons. The term is "preferential adoption" and there are many of us out there. We are thrilled to be adopting our child. Please don't feel sorry for us (this gets really awkward and tiresome.) Although I choose not to experience pregnancy, I do love to hear other people's pregnancy and birth stories. I also choose to respect others' decisions about whether or not, or how, to have children.
Is it easier to adopt from China than from the US?
There are many paths to adoption. Each has its pros and cons. With US adoption, the options are generally newborn adoption (through arrangement with the birth mother) or adopting through foster care. We are not particularly interested in a newborn. Children in foster care may not be adoptable if birth parents don't surrender their rights. This is a very complicated topic. You can read more about it here:
adoptionblogs.typepad.com/adoption/2006/08/pros_and_cons_o.html
Do you just get a call out of the blue?
That would be fun, but we'll probably know just about when to expect "the call" because we follow wait information closely. That doesn't mean we won't go berserk when we do get the call. But remember, it's just a referral, not a done-deal. The child has to be healthy enough at adoption time for both the US and China to allow us to take her home.
It's too bad it takes so long / they make it so difficult.
It is too bad for the children without families. I also think the long wait is harder on families with other children (considering growing age gaps), and adoptive parents who are older themselves (we are 39, and this feels like a natural expectant parent age for us.) Don't feel sorry for us. In our case, the wait has been a blessing. We've had so much time to enjoy each other, travel, love on our cats, work on education and job experience, and most of all prepare for parenthood. Thanks to friends, books, babysitting, internet sources, we are SO much better prepared now to be parents than we were four years ago.
Why do they make it so difficult?
The US works together with other national governments to protect children and adoptive parents. The Hague Treaty, for example, is a recent set of laws that helps regulate international adoption. The laws protect children from being taken unwillingly from their parents, and from being placed with parents who might abuse them or engage in criminal activity. They protect parents from the heartache of adopting a child who turns out to be stolen from or sold by the birth family. They help make sure special needs children are placed with parents who have financial and emotional strength to take care of them. Also, each government (i.e., China) that allows international adoption can enforce their own set of difficult requirements.
As soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant (smirk.)
We aren't trying.
My sister/friend/cousin had to adopt.
They chose to adopt. People don't have to have children at all, and that's a responsible choice, too. Ultimately, it's a choice, and a huge leap of faith.
I know someone who adopted and it worked out well / they are happy.
We love to hear this and never tire of it. Keep these kinds of stories coming.
We'll look into adoption, too, as a last resort.
Why should it be a last resort?
Why don't you want children of your own?
Our child will be our own. This is how we want to build our family.
What? You're pouting and looking at me like I've grown tentacles?
We're delighted! Those tentacles will come in handy!
Why don't you have kids yet? You know, cats just aren't the same.
We chose to wait and see if and when it felt right for us. It wouldn't be fair to our child otherwise. I know, cats are wonderful, loving, soft, sweet, playful, and so easy to take care of. We've loved spending our 12 years of marriage (+2 years dating) with our cats. They have been real angels in our lives. We've been blessed with Willow, Ted, and Ralph.
Can you adopt more than one child at a time (sibling group or twins)?
Usually, sibling groups and even twins are separated in orphanage/foster care in China. Some people who request one child OR twins, do receive twins, but it is very rare. We requested one child. In China's adoption program, you cannot request more than one child at a time, unless they are twins. Some other countries' adoption programs do allow a person to adopt more than one child at a time, but not China (unless twins.)
We know about this child up for adoption / birth mother looking for adoptive parents. Are you interested?
Even though it's a long wait, we are sticking with our original plan. Thank you, though, for thinking of us. We appreciate you letting us know about the situation.
You just took / are taking a trip to Singapore, China, etc. Did/will you bring back your kid?
This one always makes me chuckle. Oh, if only it were so easy. Rest assured we'll tell you when we travel to China for the adoption. Any other trips around East Asia are purely for fun & education (or maybe for Jeff's work.)
Can you adopt from Japan (where we live now)?
This topic is complicated, and we haven't researched it thoroughly, since we are content with our current plan. I hear it is difficult because Japanese law makes it hard to terminate parental rights of birth parents. There are orphanages nearby, but the children are generally not adoptable. I read it is possible to adopt a newborn, much like US newborn adoptions, although birth parents might be more likely to choose another Japanese family over foreigners. This agency has some info: http://www.atwakids.org/. I've also heard of Americans adopting an older child in a gradual process (visits, homestays, gradual transition out of the orphanage.) I know people have done it, so it's not impossible. The US Embassy Tokyo website has a list of agencies: http://tokyo.usembassy.gov/e/acs/tacs-adopt.html
Do you (Heather) plan to work (paid job) or not?
Not for at least a year. One thing this wait has taught us is how important bonding and attachment will be. It may not come easily. It will be important to be with her as much as possible during the first year. We'll see how we all do. I do like my work in the clinical laboratory, and I know retirement/college savings won't appear out of thin air. Let's leave it at that, shall we?
We are so excited/happy for you.
Thanks, this is really nice to hear.
Heather, you're wearing baggy clothes, feeling sick/tired, having cravings, and not drinking alcohol. Could you be pregnant (wink wink)?
Ha ha, nice try Sherlock.
No, but I am feeling comfy, might be coming down with something, am hungry for pizza, and am driving these sloppy drunks home.
Just wait 'til you get your little girl and she has tantrums / acts possessed in public!
Whoah, back off Tonto. This isn't advice, just misdirected frustration. We know it won't be easy. We watch Supernanny!
I think I want to adopt, too, after we have x# bio kids.
More power to you! This works out beautifully for many families. I've heard it's a good compromise when one partner is eager, and the other apprehensive about adoption. Lots of families adopt when their bio kids become teenagers. Great for the new kid, who then has built-in playmates and babysitters.
Once you get the referral, do you have to provide for the child?
Not really. When we adopt her, we'll hand over an orphanage fee (currently $5000.) This is also called a "rearing fee" to help cover the orphanage's expenses.
From China. We applied in April, 2006, and we are now nearing the top of the waiting list. Our log-in date (LID) is 4/6/06, and families with log-in dates through 4/5/06 have already been matched with children.
Why adopt from China?
Increased child/infant abandonment due to the one-child policy; cultural preference for boys leaves many girls abandoned, or worse (although some boys are available); non-interference from birth parents (this has pros & cons); lower incidence of drug & alcohol abuse, etc. We have friends who successfully adopted from China, so we're able to draw on their experience and wisdom. Plus, we feel strongly that our child is there. However, for someone just starting an adoption, I would not recommend China, simply because the wait would be so long. If you want to consider adopting an older child or one with special needs, then the wait could be shorter.
How long have you been waiting?
Over 3 years since our dossier logged in to China on April 6, 2006.
Over 4 years since we started with our agency's application and getting our dossier together (September, 2005.)
Why does it take so long?
We don't think our wait time is typical of adoption in general, but maybe. Possible reasons for the China slowdown: many families applying, no incentive for orphanages to get children paper-ready for adoption (many possible reasons for this), increase in domestic adoption within China. There's been a lot of discussion, but out of discretion and respect for China's ultimate authority on this matter, I will not get into details here. When our dossier was logged in, the wait was only 9 months until referral.
Do you have any idea of "when"?
We have a vague idea, but nothing is certain, and things are constantly changing. It's best not to ask us. We will post predictions from various sources on this blog. Nothing is more disheartening than to tell someone "maybe this year," then the next year hear "Did you adopt? Are you still trying to adopt?" Please don't ask and rest assured we will tell you.
How's the adoption process going?
We're just waiting and tracking where we are in the queue. We are getting closer to the front of the queue, but there's no definite timeline. It's best not to ask and just be supportive.
Have you heard anything? What are "they" telling you?
We track what is happening through Rumor Queen, and various internet sources. Approximately once a month, the CCAA matches families with certain log-in dates (LIDs) with children. This is done sequentially. For example, last month, they gave referrals (description of child you're matched with) to families with LIDs March 29-31, 2006. For the past year, CCAA has been referring 2-6 LID days per month, so it's taken all of 2009 just to get through March 2006. Our LID is April 6, 2006, so we are getting very close. However, it could still take a while, due to unexpected delays, Chinese New Year in February, travel delays.... we just don't know. Our agency doesn't make false promises, which we appreciate. But this means they are careful with the information they give out. We try not to bother them with pointless questions - they're busy placing children (including many special needs children.) If this makes any sense to you at all, you can see it's really not as simple as "hearing something" or "them" telling us something. If you really want to know, please check this blog for updates. It's easier for me to explain it once in writing, rather than wracking my brain each time I try to explain it.
Do you have to go there / stay in China / make multiple trips?
Once we receive a referral (match with child) and are approved for travel (about 2 months later), we plan to spend about 10 days in China. This will be a single trip in which we'll meet our child and bring her home. No multiple trips are required (any extra China trips on our part are for vacation only.) Of course, unforeseen circumstances, such as health problems or quarantine in China, may require us to stay longer. After China, we'll travel directly to Honolulu, Hawaii for about 10 days to complete our child's US citizenship. This will allow her to enter Japan (our current home) as a US citizen.
Once you get approval to travel, then do you know who the child is?
Yes, because we will have received the referral. A referral includes a detailed description, medical report, and photos of the child.
Are you getting a newborn/baby?
Newborns are not adoptable from China. They must stay in an orphanage or foster care for several months to allow time for birth parents to claim them. We requested a healthy female child as young as possible. This means she could be anywhere from 8-24 months old by the time we bring her home. We are not really interested in a newborn. However, we keep our minds open (for a boy, older child, special needs child.)
Do you want a girl or a boy?
We actually don't have a preference. We requested a girl since most of the children abandoned in China are girls, and girls may have a harder life in China. But we do know of many happy families who adopted boys from China. The little person we are matched with - that's who we'll love.
Do you have a particular child in mind?
No. We wait until our dossier comes to the top of the stack, then a "matching specialist" at China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) matches us with a child. People who adopt a waiting child (older child or one with special needs) do have a particular child in mind. For more info on how matching works, read:
chinaadopttalk.com/2006/12/07/how-the-matching-room-works/
Do you have a name in mind?
It's a secret!
Is adoption expensive?
In our case it costs about $25,000, and could vary with our travel expenses. This is less than many people spend on a car. Here's the cost breakdown from our agency:
www.awaa.org/programs/china/cost.aspx
After it's final, we can apply for a tax credit (about $12,000) and Dept. of Defense reimbursement ($2000.) Some people do their own fundraising to help pay for adoptions. Grants are possible through Show Hope.
Is adoption difficult?
From what we know so far, it takes a lot of organization, attention to detail, research, communication skills, and persistence. For parents' requirements to adopt from China, see:
www.awaa.org/programs/china/requirements.aspx
Why are you adopting?
Because we want to. It's our first choice, for highly personal reasons. The term is "preferential adoption" and there are many of us out there. We are thrilled to be adopting our child. Please don't feel sorry for us (this gets really awkward and tiresome.) Although I choose not to experience pregnancy, I do love to hear other people's pregnancy and birth stories. I also choose to respect others' decisions about whether or not, or how, to have children.
Is it easier to adopt from China than from the US?
There are many paths to adoption. Each has its pros and cons. With US adoption, the options are generally newborn adoption (through arrangement with the birth mother) or adopting through foster care. We are not particularly interested in a newborn. Children in foster care may not be adoptable if birth parents don't surrender their rights. This is a very complicated topic. You can read more about it here:
adoptionblogs.typepad.com/adoption/2006/08/pros_and_cons_o.html
Do you just get a call out of the blue?
That would be fun, but we'll probably know just about when to expect "the call" because we follow wait information closely. That doesn't mean we won't go berserk when we do get the call. But remember, it's just a referral, not a done-deal. The child has to be healthy enough at adoption time for both the US and China to allow us to take her home.
It's too bad it takes so long / they make it so difficult.
It is too bad for the children without families. I also think the long wait is harder on families with other children (considering growing age gaps), and adoptive parents who are older themselves (we are 39, and this feels like a natural expectant parent age for us.) Don't feel sorry for us. In our case, the wait has been a blessing. We've had so much time to enjoy each other, travel, love on our cats, work on education and job experience, and most of all prepare for parenthood. Thanks to friends, books, babysitting, internet sources, we are SO much better prepared now to be parents than we were four years ago.
Why do they make it so difficult?
The US works together with other national governments to protect children and adoptive parents. The Hague Treaty, for example, is a recent set of laws that helps regulate international adoption. The laws protect children from being taken unwillingly from their parents, and from being placed with parents who might abuse them or engage in criminal activity. They protect parents from the heartache of adopting a child who turns out to be stolen from or sold by the birth family. They help make sure special needs children are placed with parents who have financial and emotional strength to take care of them. Also, each government (i.e., China) that allows international adoption can enforce their own set of difficult requirements.
As soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant (smirk.)
We aren't trying.
My sister/friend/cousin had to adopt.
They chose to adopt. People don't have to have children at all, and that's a responsible choice, too. Ultimately, it's a choice, and a huge leap of faith.
I know someone who adopted and it worked out well / they are happy.
We love to hear this and never tire of it. Keep these kinds of stories coming.
We'll look into adoption, too, as a last resort.
Why should it be a last resort?
Why don't you want children of your own?
Our child will be our own. This is how we want to build our family.
What? You're pouting and looking at me like I've grown tentacles?
We're delighted! Those tentacles will come in handy!
Why don't you have kids yet? You know, cats just aren't the same.
We chose to wait and see if and when it felt right for us. It wouldn't be fair to our child otherwise. I know, cats are wonderful, loving, soft, sweet, playful, and so easy to take care of. We've loved spending our 12 years of marriage (+2 years dating) with our cats. They have been real angels in our lives. We've been blessed with Willow, Ted, and Ralph.
Can you adopt more than one child at a time (sibling group or twins)?
Usually, sibling groups and even twins are separated in orphanage/foster care in China. Some people who request one child OR twins, do receive twins, but it is very rare. We requested one child. In China's adoption program, you cannot request more than one child at a time, unless they are twins. Some other countries' adoption programs do allow a person to adopt more than one child at a time, but not China (unless twins.)
We know about this child up for adoption / birth mother looking for adoptive parents. Are you interested?
Even though it's a long wait, we are sticking with our original plan. Thank you, though, for thinking of us. We appreciate you letting us know about the situation.
You just took / are taking a trip to Singapore, China, etc. Did/will you bring back your kid?
This one always makes me chuckle. Oh, if only it were so easy. Rest assured we'll tell you when we travel to China for the adoption. Any other trips around East Asia are purely for fun & education (or maybe for Jeff's work.)
Can you adopt from Japan (where we live now)?
This topic is complicated, and we haven't researched it thoroughly, since we are content with our current plan. I hear it is difficult because Japanese law makes it hard to terminate parental rights of birth parents. There are orphanages nearby, but the children are generally not adoptable. I read it is possible to adopt a newborn, much like US newborn adoptions, although birth parents might be more likely to choose another Japanese family over foreigners. This agency has some info: http://www.atwakids.org/. I've also heard of Americans adopting an older child in a gradual process (visits, homestays, gradual transition out of the orphanage.) I know people have done it, so it's not impossible. The US Embassy Tokyo website has a list of agencies: http://tokyo.usembassy.gov/e/acs/tacs-adopt.html
Do you (Heather) plan to work (paid job) or not?
Not for at least a year. One thing this wait has taught us is how important bonding and attachment will be. It may not come easily. It will be important to be with her as much as possible during the first year. We'll see how we all do. I do like my work in the clinical laboratory, and I know retirement/college savings won't appear out of thin air. Let's leave it at that, shall we?
We are so excited/happy for you.
Thanks, this is really nice to hear.
Heather, you're wearing baggy clothes, feeling sick/tired, having cravings, and not drinking alcohol. Could you be pregnant (wink wink)?
Ha ha, nice try Sherlock.
No, but I am feeling comfy, might be coming down with something, am hungry for pizza, and am driving these sloppy drunks home.
Just wait 'til you get your little girl and she has tantrums / acts possessed in public!
Whoah, back off Tonto. This isn't advice, just misdirected frustration. We know it won't be easy. We watch Supernanny!
I think I want to adopt, too, after we have x# bio kids.
More power to you! This works out beautifully for many families. I've heard it's a good compromise when one partner is eager, and the other apprehensive about adoption. Lots of families adopt when their bio kids become teenagers. Great for the new kid, who then has built-in playmates and babysitters.
Once you get the referral, do you have to provide for the child?
Not really. When we adopt her, we'll hand over an orphanage fee (currently $5000.) This is also called a "rearing fee" to help cover the orphanage's expenses.
Adoption Terms & Acronymns
- Paperchase - working hard on all the paperwork (we are long done with this part, but sometimes renewing paperwork, especially from Japan, is a major feat)
- Dossier - the big collection of paperwork (our application) that is sent to China
- CCAA - China Center of Adoption Affairs
- LID - Log-in Date for the Dossier into the CCAA system (ours is 4/6/06)
- Referral - When the child is matched to the waiting parents
- LOA - "Letter of Acceptance" - Issued when the CCAA gives formal, final approval to adopt the child
- TA - travel approval (to go meet child and bring her/him home; travel is usually 7-9 weeks after one accepts a referral)
- SWI - Social Welfare Institute, orphanage
- Embassy Appt. - Appt. at U.S. embassy in China to get baby's visa (IR-3)
- CA - Consulate appointment, same as embassy Appt.
- IR-3 Visa - an adoption visa; allows the child to legally enter the US
- USCIS - United States Customs and Immigration Service (formerly INS.) They gave approval for us to adopt internationally, and will help secure our child's US citizenship.
- Rumor Queen ("RQ") - the lady who runs China Adopt Talk, a website we frequent for information about what is happening with China adoption
- Forever Family - adoptive family
- FCC - Families with Children from China
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